How to make room for what's next

The New Year is nigh, and for 2025 I have just one resolution: To make and hold room for whatever is next. Because isn’t the whole point of getting unstuck to notice life’s open doors and have the confidence to walk through them?

But if every hour of every day is spoken for—physically, psychically, or both—how do we create that extra room?

We know what it means to leave room when we order our morning coffee. If we want to add milk, there has to be some empty space at the top of the cup for the last bit of liquid that makes the drink taste right. The same can be said for continuing our education or reading more books. Or for building a new relationship, taking up a new sport, or making art. We need to make room or we can’t add anything else.

If we’re busy busy busy all the time—or we feel exhausted or depleted while doing very little—how can we hear or see or feel the new thing that’s calling? So, how can we open up space?

Gurus say meditation is the key. If we can sit still and be peaceful, our thoughts will recede. In the emptiness, the path forward will reveal itself.

Life coaches tell us to turn down obligations we no longer enjoy. With more free time and extra energy, we can pursue what we want to do next.

And therapists ask that we explore our why. We’ll never keep a resolution or form a new healthy habit unless we understand—and own—our motivation.

I get it. Those are fine ideas, and all of them have the potential to work. But I think in order to truly make room in our lives for what’s next, we need to understand what’s holding us back. We need to understand our WHY NOT.

Why don’t we turn down invitations when we’d rather stay home and read?

Why don’t we couple up when we say we want love?

Why don’t we work leas and live more simply when we know we want more fun?

Why don’t we make art after we’ve bought all the supplies?

I don’t mean to say change is easy, but if we understand what’s holding us back—and if we notice it at the time—maybe we can talk some sense into ourselves. If you’re like me, at some point every one of these patterns has held you captive. Sometimes, they still do.

We overgeneralize. Relationships (marriages, flings, new friendships) are impossible to find and/or never end well so we conclude it’s better not to try.

We catastrophize. We think if we start taking Social Security now, we’ll run out of money before we die. If we postpone disbursement, the system will go belly up. Either way, we’ll starve.

We doubt ourselves. We may dislike our jobs (or our domestic situation or…, or…, or…) but we think we’re too old (or too fat or too financially insecure, or…, or…, or…) to do anything about it.

We filter out the positive. Even though we’re occasionally happy with what we paint or draw or write—and we get positive feedback—we still think we suck.

As we welcome 2025, how about we make a pact? What if we agree to hold ourselves and each other accountable? What if we say, Hey friend, I’ve heard you say that before, and it’s not actually true? Or we say to ourselves, Hey sweetest, heart of my heart, love of my love, I hear you—but it’s time to stop that negative talk and say something new?

And what if every time we drink our coffee we think about leaving room—making room—for the thing that just may just change our lives.