How to live with the unknown

My mother used to say, The sooner I learned to live with the unknown the better off I would be. And yet she had one very fixed idea for my career: I would be hired to anchor the Today show when Jane Pauley retired. Whether that job or that career would make me happy—or whether I even was qualified—made no difference to her. If she could visit with me “live” every day in her living room, it would somehow make up for my leaving home for college and never coming back. It would help her manage not knowing when she would see me next.

In 1991, Katie Kouric got the job, and my mother was pissed. We looked so much alike!

Years later, as a publicist for a cruise line, I brought former first lady Betty Ford to the Today show for a segment. Katie’s makeup artist noticed our likeness and called her over so we could meet. Shaking Katie’s hand was like shaking my own. It was small, she was my height, and we both wore our hair in a short and shiny auburn bob. It all felt ridiculous. I didn’t want to be her. And I definitely didn’t want her job.

In the 35 years since that day, I’ve made countless professional and personal leaps into the unknown. I bet you have too. Out of fear and impatience, haven’t we all tried to muscle our way into knowing? That never works!

But, thankfully, if we do our research and get our ducks in a row, we can know a few things. Even about the things that scare us the most.

Will our money last? If you’re like me, you have a plan. You consult experts and listen to podcasts. You’ve socked a good bit away. But there’s a big fat disclaimer attached. The market could tank. We could need around-the-clock care. And how long will that lifetime be? We don’t know! The best insurance of all is to live simply and charitably. It doesn’t cost much to share a wee bit of our wealth. And the dividends are huge.

Will our health hold up? In 2023, my anxiety skyrocketed. As my hair thinned, my waistline thickened. My osteopenia was getting worse. I have arthritis in my thumbs and wrists. My mother struggled with all of these things and more, and she died at 75! So in 2024, I set out to learn everything I could about my body and my blood. I visited all kinds of specialists and sought (but haven’t yet found) a functional medicine practice that won’t break the bank. I committed to weight-bearing exercise. The future is still a crap shoot but—as with our finances—we can learn the rules and play the game. But luck—and genetics—also are factors in our healthspan.

Will love be worth the risk? This can the biggest worry of all! After being single for nearly 15 years, coupling up means having at least twice as much to worry about. Will he stay healthy? Will one of us change our mind and split—or worse, will someone lose their mind and forget the other? But if we’re lucky enough to have another human heartbeat in the house, it’s probably worth pushing through the fear. In my case, the other human heartbeat lives nearly four hours away, and for now that’s fine. But if distance becomes a problem, I hope we can solve it together.

I guess what I want to say is that the future is a big fat unknown. Jane Pauley’s husband Garry Trudeau is 76 and still makes cartoons. And we all know what happened to poor Katie Couric’s beloved.

So here it is: If we’re aware of what scares us, and we have a plan, then maybe can find calm in the eye of the crazy storm we don’t see coming.

Maybe we can be curious and comfortable and open to whatever comes next.